Mixing Emotions
by Lucinda
Summary: AU post s6 BtVS, AU post HP 4.  A pained Willow finds a possible distraction at Hogwarts.  Willow & Severus Snape as main characters.
1. Mix Sorrow, Loss and Hope

Mix Sorrow, Loss, and Hope  
  
Author: Lucinda  
rating: pg/pg 13  
pairing: Willow/Snape QPC#31  
the QPC site:   
disclaimer: I do not own anyone from BtVS or Harry Potter.  
distribution: WLS, NHA, Bite Me, Twisting the Hellmouth, Quickie Challenge, anyone else ask first. If It got sent to your list, you may archive it.  
note: post somewhat AU S6 for BtVS, start of book 5 (AU because I have no idea where it's going)  
dedicated to Rose and every other Snape-Alan Rickman fan out there.  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow sat on the edge of the large window, contemplating her life. Everyone that she cared about... well, that never really worked out. Xander hadn't noticed, Malcolm had really been a demon trying to kill her, Oz and Tara... Well, things had been good for a while with both of them, but now they were both dead. It was almost as if they had died because they'd cared about her.  
  
Oz had died as a result of a terrible traffic accident, and she'd learned of it because he'd still had her name and number listed as an emergency contact. She'd been called and informed of 'the tragic death of Daniel Osborne'. It had been that pain that had convinced Tara to come talk to her, to try to help her through it. It had been after that that they'd made up, agreeing to try things again, to move on to the future. That had been moments before the bullet had passed through the window, and through Tara's heart, killing her. Before Tara had collapsed into Willow's arms, her eyes puzzled as to the source of the bright red blood now staining Willow's shirt.  
  
She'd gone just a little overboard in her anger and grief... well, maybe a lot overboard. Maybe a bit insane for a while. Eventually, after a great deal of ugliness that she tried to avoid thinking about, she'd gone to England to heal, to learn proper control. Now, she had a job teaching at a school for magic, a place called Hogwarts. She was the newest Professor for the class called Defense Against Dark Arts.  
  
She could only look back on the cheerful girl that she'd once been. There was a sort of innocence that she'd had then, the innocence of a person that had never come face to face with their own inner darkness. In some ways, a lot of ways, she missed that innocence.  
  
Every time she saw herself reflected in a mirror or the glass windows, she could see the difference in her eyes. They were filled with sorrow and grief, and darkened by secrets and pain... well, actually it had been the very dark magic that she'd used that had left her eyes a dark green, not any sort of emotional experience, but... She didn't want to think about that anymore.  
  
There was one other person in the school that had eyes like hers, eyes showing pain and guilt and suffering. The eyes of the most intensely charismatic and frustrating man she'd encountered in a long time. Severus Snape, the Potions Master of Hogwarts. He wasn't classically handsome, with his distinctive nose and pale skin, or the fact that his hair generally hung limp around his face. He dressed the part of an ominous villain, and had a cloak remarkably like Dracula... only without the blood red silk of Dracula's cloak. She should know, after Buffy had dusted the vampire, she'd given everyone a souvenir of the encounter. Willow'd gotten the cloak. It made her smile a little to think of it, but it was a splendid formal cloak.  
  
But her mind had wandered again. She returned her thoughts to Professor Snape... Severus. He seemed so aloof, so intimidating to the students. She was certain that it was a careful effort to make people stay away emotionally. To keep anyone from getting emotionally involved, to prevent anyone from caring about him.  
  
The effort wouldn't work this time. Granted, she didn't seem to be his favorite Professor, but he couldn't entirely avoid her without being outright rude. She hadn't changed so much that she didn't want to help someone in trouble, and oh, was poor Severus ever in emotional trouble. He had a guilt complex almost as big as Angel. She found herself wanting to take him in her arms and kiss him all better.  
  
"Hello Severus." She practically purred the words, determined to force him to look at her this time.  
  
He looked at her, reminding her slightly of a startled deer. "Professor Rosenberg."  
  
"Why do you go around all the time, those billowy robes sweeping behind you, trying to scare all the students? You can't tell me you don't know how they see you, and I know you could get not so billowy clothing that would still go with the dark and brooding look, after all, Angel just had the billowy coat. What makes you so cranky and grumpy?"  
  
He looked at her, something flickering in his dark eyes. "What if I were to say it had to do with unpredictable American witches?" His voice rolled around her like audible velvet.  
  
She smiled at him, a faint shadow of her former infectious grins. "Then I would have to ask what your excuses in the past were. I've only been here for a few weeks. And I've only tried to be nice... something that several people assured me would be a waste of my time."  
  
He gave a small sigh, and there was the faintest dropping of his shoulders, almost imperceptible. "I suppose you have a point. Shall I leave it at I have done things that I now regret? The sort of things that such a pretty and sweet young woman as yourself couldn't understand."  
  
He was turning away when she spoke again, her mind still trying to figure out why he'd called her pretty. "I've seen darkness, Severus. Darkness in the world, and in myself. I've touched the darkest magics... magics of life and death, and they've left their marks on my soul. I might be younger, but I've seen darkness. Poppy told me you wanted to have my job... does the name Glorificus sound familiar?"  
  
Severus turned, his eyes wide. "There are some names that you shouldn't toss into the air casually."  
  
Willow felt like smiling in victory. She'd finally got his attention. If she'd known discussing powerful evils would do the trick, she would have tried that earlier. "I don't need to worry about saying her name. She went to my hometown, and my... we fought her. We won, although it had a high price... The price kept getting higher as time went on."  
  
He looked at her, and there was something in his eyes, something... not pity, but... maybe sympathy? Maybe something else as well... "You are quite unpredictable then, Miss... Willow. I wouldn't have thought you had any familiarity with the darker side of magic."  
  
She made a small noise, almost a snort. "I lived over the hellmouth. Well, actually, it opened in the school library, but anyhow... There were always vampires and demons. We had to thwart an Ascension during my graduation ceremony. My best friend was the Slayer, and I dated a werewolf for a while. I restored a vampire's soul. I fought against Glory, and when Buffy died, I ended up ripping her out of heaven to bring her back. When the person that I loved died in my arms, I killed the person who'd shot her with magic. I know the darkness, Severus. I just keep trying no to let it swallow me up again."  
  
He gave a small smile, one that looked as if he'd almost forgotten how to shape the expression. "I suppose you do understand then. Perhaps... I can help you resist the call of your darkness, and you can help me drown out the voice of my own?"  
  
Willow felt something inside of her, an almost forgotten feeling that she finally identified as hope. "I think I'd like that."  
  
end Mix. 


	2. Simmer Until Blended

Author: Lucinda  
  
rating: pg/pg 13  
  
sequel to Mix Sorrow, Loss, and Hope  
  
pairing: Willow/Snape QPC#31  
  
the QPC site: http://quickie.moonlightpaths.com  
  
disclaimer: I do not own anyone from BtVS or Harry Potter.  
  
distribution: WLS, NHA, Bite Me, Twisting the Hellmouth, Quickie Challenge, anyone else ask first. If It got sent to your list, you may archive it.  
  
note: post somewhat AU S6 for BtVS, start of book 5 (AU because I have no idea where it's going)  
  
dedicated to Rose and every other Snape-Alan Rickman fan out there.  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow didn't know how she'd manage without Severus. Since the metaphorical ice had been broken by throwing out Glory's name, they'd talked more, about the school, about lessons, and gradually touching on their pasts. Sometimes, those evening chats were the only thing that helped her keep from slipping back into the violent rage that had led her to kill Rack and Warren. Especially after watching some of the students... there were a few very bad apples in the Slythrins, and a couple British Cordelia-clones, and ohh, she'd never suspected that there could be so many ways that students could grate on her nerves! Top annoyance was a tie between the rule breaking Harry Potter who reminded her a bit of Buffy, and Draco Malfoy, someone who obviously wasn't challenged enough in his classes and felt the need to make trouble out of boredom.  
  
Severus had laughed at that description, concluding that there was a good chance that she was right about Draco. Which was why, every time Draco Malfoy did something that would normally cost his House points, she assigned him some sort of research to do. It still made it clear that he was being punished, and kept him occupied far more usefully than a simple detention would have. It was a policy that she'd started using on a few other students as well, mainly the ones that she felt truly needed the extra study time.  
  
Overall, she was not the most popular teacher in the school. One thing that was appreciated was her firm belief in 'hands on learning', which had lead to bringing in minor and nearly harmless nuisance creatures into class for her students to deal with, and the creation of illusions as a substitute for slides when lecturing over more dangerous things. She still hadn't figured out why that seemed such a surprise to them. Honestly, you'd think nobody else put up three dimensional illusions of the lecture subject the way some of them stared. Either that or none of the previous teachers had covered Hellhounds, chaos demons, and vampires complete with illusions, before. Her class was the second most dreaded for difficulty among the Gryffindors, and the most dreaded by the Slytherins.  
  
But some of the faculty had noticed small changes in her from the first few days. She seemed a bit less withdrawn, more willing to mingle among people instead of just watching. She laughed and smiled occasionally. She'd also attended the last Quidditch game, Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor, and had even seemed interested in the event. Some of the more observant had noticed that she'd sat talking with Snape through the game, and that they seemed to talk quite a bit. Perhaps only Dumbledore had noticed that Severus Snape seemed a bit less glowery, a bit less guilty. Poppy and Minerva were the only ones that had noticed the change in his hair. While it still hung in dark locks around his face, casting ominous shadows, it was clean, almost shiny, and had they been close enough, they would have detected a faint scent of cedar.  
  
Willow and Severus were spending a lot of time talking, not just about the classes, although Willow did ask him how he coped with some of the annoyances the students caused. His answer, that he'd become the most feared teacher on the staff in part to prevent those petty pranks and annoyances, made quite a bit of sense... But she knew that Willow-the-Mostly-Sane wouldn't scare these kids. Maybe Vamp-Willow, or Evil-Wicked-Witch Willow, but... she would far rather leave those two particular images far behind.  
  
"Something bothering you, Willow?" Severus' voice slid over her like warm chocolate syrup.  
  
For a moment, she fought back unexpectedly sensual images of Severus. "Thinking about student reactions. Do you think they would be ready to try testing some of the higher skills? Not with real demons or vampires, but.. maybe illusions with oomph? Tangible ones, I mean?"  
  
He frowned a bit, the expression making him look like the ominous villain of a theatrical production. "Some of the older ones, possibly. Much as it pains me to admit, Granger would be, and most likely Weasley and Potter as well. Malfoy should be if he actually paid any attention to any of the extra work you've been assigning him. As for some of the others... hmm... it would be best to make certain your illusions aren't tangible enough to do damage. I wouldn't suggest vampires for any of the classes below fifth year, not for an actual practice instead of a demonstration. There are also a good number of capable, practical Ravenclaws that should be capable of dealing with a vampire-illusion, I would expect most of the Hufflepuffs to be to busy being afraid."  
  
Willow gave a small smile, remembering some of her friends. "Perhaps you underestimate how they would do under pressure?"  
  
"My dear Willow..." Severus shook his head, practically purring in amusement. "One of the reasons that I run my Potions class the way I do is to teach them to work under pressure. I should have to hope that they would find these vampires considerable less intimidating than I am for your hopes to work."  
  
Willow giggled at that, considering Sunnydale. "Actually... most vampires are less intimidating than you are. Especially minions... you could probably scowl at them and send them running as easily as you do the little first years. I still think you get far too much enjoyment out of that. Oh... wait, I could summon Gaknar as an in-class demonstration!"  
  
He stopped in the middle of the hall, his expression stunned. "Willow! Gaknar... how could you contemplate summoning a Fear demon in the middle of a class of children?"  
  
She waved a hand, making a little noise. "Oh, calm down. It's not like he's any real danger, although he does know how to make a dramatic build up. I really doubt the kids would be afraid once they see him."  
  
"Which illustrations have you been looking at? Apparently not the ones in our library." His sarcasm was nearly tangible.  
  
She smiled at him, amusement in her voice. "Sev, my dear Potion master, we saw Gaknar back in Sunnydale. He's only four inches tall. How scary is that? He looks like a demented punk Smurf. Now, the Judge was scary, and eight feet tall, and blown to little crispy chunks with a rocket launcher. He would terrify the class... and try to incinerate them for having humanity. But this little four inch demon with delusions of scariness and a squeaky voice? Nah..."  
  
All he could do was laugh. "Willow... you honestly mean... four inches? That's it?"  
  
A sudden clatter from around the corner told them both that someone had overheard his comment, and most likely... oh dear, most likely it had been taken entirely the wrong way. Willow wasn't certain that she would want to hear the final version of the rumors that would surely come from this.  
  
Looking over at Severus, she sighed. "Oh dear."  
  
He looked like he couldn't quite decide between offended, appalled, or mused. "Indeed. This should be... interesting."  
  
Smiling, they proceeded to the library, to discuss some of the other encounters in Sunnydale,and the useful or useless trivia that she had learned about all sorts of creatures. Like the fact that Silustra demons smell like cinnamon.  
  
end Simmer until Blended. 


	3. Sprinkle with Laughter

Sprinkle with Laughter  
  
  
  
Author: Lucinda  
  
rating: pg/pg 13  
  
Third in 'Mixing Emotions' series ('Mix Sorrow, Loss, and Hope' and 'Simmer until Blended')  
  
pairing: Willow/Snape QPC#31  
  
the QPC site: http://qfic.moonlitpaths.com/index.php  
  
disclaimer: I do not own anyone from BtVS or Harry Potter.  
  
distribution: WLS, NHA, Bite Me, Twisting the Hellmouth, Quickie Challenge, anyone else ask first. If It got sent to your list, you may archive it.  
  
note: post somewhat AU S6 for BtVS, start of book 5 (AU because I have no idea where it's going)  
  
dedicated to Rose and every other Snape-Alan Rickman fan out there.  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow walked through the hall, wondering why everyone seemed to be whispering. Clearly, it was something interesting… or maybe there were dozens of things the students were whispering over. Discussion of the recent Quidditch games, the Hogsmeade weekends… anything. Except that she was certain that she was being watched.  
  
She got her first clue when Madame Pomfrey looked at her and winked. Professor Flitwick seemed to be hopelessly giggling every time he looked at her or at Professor Snape. Professor McGonagall was just frowning, pointedly not looking away from her students. Willow remembered the clattering noise that had intruded in her discussion with Severus a few days ago. She had the feeling that rumors were flying.  
  
As she was leaving the hall, Severus ended up beside her. "It appears that there is… colorful speculation. Concerning you and… me."  
  
"I've noticed." She glanced over, noticing the muscle at the corner of his jaw twitching. "Perhaps we'll just have to have that demonstration after all. To clear up the confusion."  
  
"Do you expect that to work?" He was scowling again, apparently his natural expression.  
  
"Well…" Willow considered his question. She knew about the persistence of rumor. "It should at least clear things up with the faculty."  
  
"That probably is the best that we can hope for. Yet again, I am being blamed for something that I'm not doing." He shook his head, a brooding expression settling firmly into place.  
  
"Hey! I think that sounds just a bit... well, a bit insulting. I mean, we aren't, but I'd hope it wouldn't be a stomach turning nausea inspiring thought. And… never mind. Let's just gather everything to call up Gakky and we can cut some of those rumors." Willow frowned, feeling a bit hurt. Bad enough that her luck with men had been dreadful, but he didn't have to sound quite so put out that people thought they were involved.  
  
"I… that isn't what I meant, you exasperating woman! It's simply that I do not care for baseless accusations." Robes swirling, he stalked away towards the dungeons, slamming doors behind him.  
  
Willow just watched him go, wondering exactly why he was so cranky. "Someone certainly has a temper."  
  
The whispers continued as Willow tried to make everything ready for the ritual. She was copying the correct diagram onto a parchment when she felt someone standing disapprovingly near her in the classroom which was supposed to be blissfully empty. Glancing up, she discovered a frowning Minerva McGonagall.  
  
"May I help you?" She tried to figure out what had the Gryffindor Headmistress so unhappy.  
  
"What is the meaning of… whatever it is between you and Professor Snape?" The woman looked almost mad enough to spit fire.  
  
"Actually, we were having an entirely professional conversation, and somebody overheard something that was clearly taken the wrong way… Let me guess, we're supposedly involved in a heated affair?" Willow smiled brightly, determined not to give the impression that there was anything to hide.  
  
"What sort of misinterpreted remark could possibly start such rumors?" She looked slightly less angry, or maybe the curiosity just had a mellowing effect. McGonnagall was rather like a cat in that regard…  
  
"I said it was only four inches tall, and he said 'four inches? Is that it?' and then there was this clatter, so somebody heard four inches, and I'm pretty sure that they assumed… well, I think we all know what they were assuming. But it wasn't." Willow shook her head, trying to be amused over the whole mess.  
  
"So… what was four inches?" Questions danced in Professor McGonagall's eyes.  
  
In response, Willow turned the book around so that the older professor could see the engraving of Gaknar, and the diagram beside it. "He is. The words underneath are Hungarian, and they translate to 'shown actual size'. He's about four inches tall, which really isn't that scary. And there's this really squeaky little voice… I was explaining to Severus how some frat boys summoned him by accident at their Halloween party one year back in Sunnydale."  
  
McGonagall was trying not to snicker. "That's the actual size? Yes, that would make him considerably… less frightening. How was he banished?"  
  
"One of my friends stomped on him, and the result was one squished demon. But he's not the sort that would be permanently gone from that, so I could summon him again. It'll be a good demonstration." Willow smiled, hoping that the other Professor would understand how that conversation had ended up fueling such colorful rumors.  
  
"And possibly it will help defuse the rumors. There are many things that I do not wish to over hear further speculation about. Including Severus' wand." With those parting words, she left the room.  
  
For a moment, Willow just blinked, wondering why anyone would need to speculate about Severus and his wand, hadn't they seen it in use for some of his classes? Then, she turned crimson as it occurred to her that the rumor didn't mean that sort of 'wand'. Clearly, it was wizardly slang for a certain very male part of the anatomy. Oh dear, no wonder he was cranky.  
  
Severus seemed very cranky when he helped her set up the diagram. Perhaps it was the rumors, perhaps it was something else, like the fact that the Slytherin Quiddith team had lost to Ravenclaw? Or maybe the house elves had starched his underwear? Assuming that he wore any… eeep! Not going there… not going there…  
  
Everyone gathered in the great hall, puzzlement clear on many faces. Soft murmurs began. She stood by the now glowing diagram that had been marked on the specially made raised platform of wood, no more than three inches from the floor, and rather thin, smiling gently. Severus was seated at the head table, watching everything with an impassive face. She could feel the power reaching out, feel the fears beginning to manifest. The whispers took on a slightly higher, more frantic tone.  
  
Willow murmured a soft incantation to ensure that her voice would carry to everyone. It wouldn't sound too loud, but everyone in the room would hear her voice as clearly as if they were standing next to her. "Now, I'm sure that you can all feel that now. Can anyone tell me what sort of diagram this is? Have you been paying attention in your classes?"  
  
One student, a thin girl with almost unfocused pale eyes stepped a bit closer. "It's a summoning diagram. But what are you conjuring?"  
  
"Yes, wonderful. Ten points to your house, Luna. Miss Lovegood is correct, this is a summoning diagram. Pay close attention, especially everyone who's been trying to find out precisely what I spoke of being four inches." She smirked just a bit as several faces turned bright red. Then, she turned and stomped her foot through the carefully painted diagram, the platform shattering just as she'd planned.  
  
"Please note that breaking the diagram does NOT abort the conjuration of Gaknar, or most other conjured demons. You are now about to witness the manifestation of Gaknar, a Fear Demon. I suggest those of you in front duck a bit so that everybody can see."  
  
A concerned buzz began at the head table, and Willow could see many of the older students clutching their wands in white knuckled hands. The room almost seemed to shake, and smoke began to rise from the lines.   
  
Then, the voice rang out, her spell ensuring that the whole room heard the voice that cried out: "I am Gaknar! Fear me!"  
  
Students blinked in puzzlement, and someone broke out in nervous laughter.  
  
Again, the tiny voice rang out "Fear me!"  
  
"That's a fear demon?"  
  
"It's only four inches tall!"  
  
"Wasn't Gaknar supposed to be scary?"  
  
"Crookshanks! Come back here!"  
  
Suddenly, a large orange striped cat leapt into view, headed towards the still squeaking demon intently, ears back and tail lashing.  
  
"Fear me! Ahhh!" The tiny figure of Gaknar tried to run away.  
  
With a pounce and a tiny crunch, the orange cat took out the manifest form of Gaknar. Wit his bent tail high in the air, he carried the limp form towards the crowd, dropping it at the feet of his owner, Hermione Granger, who was blinking in amazement.  
  
"That was Gaknar. Demonstration over, have a good day." Smiling, Willow turned and swept out of the hall, hoping to be gone before she started laughing. It had been amusing when Buffy had squished the tiny demon, but to have him killed by a cat? She was laughing so hard the tears streamed over her cheeks by the time she got back to her rooms.  
  
End Sprinkle with Laughter. 


End file.
